Monday, 8 August 2011

Making Sense of Spam

Today I’m feeling silly, so I’ve decided to make a story from some of the more interesting items in my spam folder. Like most people, I don’t touch spam e-mails – scared that they are loaded with viruses that will eat my computer. So I just have to imagine what lies within and what would happen if I opened Pandora’s box and actually took some of these enticements on.

I think that spam is supposed to have some element of targeting so I wonder just what they say about me? Scary! Just in case you can’t work it out for yourself, the spam titles are in bold.

One evening, after a particularly heavy afternoon of food & cocktails I decided to sneak a peek into the coming months and find out what they held in store for me. So I stopped at a Gypsy caravan to visit a fortune teller, who told me my 2011 future in 3D tarot cards. It wasn’t a happy tale.

‘Do you suffer from depression?’ she asked me. ‘I know a good on line pharmacy’.   ‘No’ I replied, though her 3D tarot cards were playing havoc with my contact lenses. Deep down however, I knew I’d been ignoring an inner yearning. I knew that if only I could become a Social Worker then at last I would be truly happy. But how could I, without the relevant qualifications. I knew that I would KNOW more and BE more with a Psychology Degree.

But degrees cost money, which I just didn’t have.’ What’s my worth?’ I thought. I needed to find something that allowed me to make money and be your own boss. 

Determined to follow my dream, I tried to raise the cash by dog walking now, but it didn’t pay enough. I borrowed my friends child and entered into a baby photo contest and was delighted to be told you’ve already won, claim your prize, but unfortunately it was only a lifetimes supply of free diapers.

It was so frustrating living a lie. I dearly wanted to become a Social Worker. It was time to think outside the box. With that I went to sign myself up for Life Insurance before setting off to run Liverpool marathon. Running a marathon without doing any training is not to be advised. The next day I found myself completing my disability application form. Maybe I needed an Injury Lawyer?

After trying to calculate a trade in quote for your car (yes, yours – not mine) I went on-line and tried to win up to $1 million in poker chips, and guess what, I did! Hurrah, at last I could enrol for a psychology degree and become a Social Worker.

I decided to celebrate. I needed to watch men in boats wearing oilskins, so I settled down with a FREE serious fun DVD from the RNLI. Happy days!

1 comment:

  1. I only get spam for replica watches, tablets to enhance sexual performance or accident claims - god knows what that says about me!